


Fur & Bacon

by Yuliares



Series: Fairy Tale and Folklore Remixes [1]
Category: Fairy Tales & Related Fandoms, Little Red Riding Hood (Fairy Tale), Three Little Pigs (Fairy Tale)
Genre: Big Bad Wolf of the Law, Blabbermouth Woodsman, Construction Fraud, Fairy Tale Retellings, Gen, Little Red the Assassin, Shady little pigs, villain perspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:40:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26664586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuliares/pseuds/Yuliares
Summary: Red Riding Hood and the Three Little Pigs team up to take down the Big Bad Wolf.They arenotthe good guys.
Series: Fairy Tale and Folklore Remixes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1940152





	Fur & Bacon

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Scribuary and based on this writing prompt from Tumblr:  
>  _Red Riding Hood and the Three Little Pigs team up to take down the Big Bad Wolf._

The cider was just apple juice with ground cinnamon sprinkled on top. The spice floated on the surface and was a mild burn on the roof of her mouth. Unpleasant, but… interesting. 

Behind her hood, Little Red took another sip. At least the drink was as warm as advertised. Autumn was beginning to blush the trees, and the nights were laced with frost. Soon, she’d be bringing out her fur-lined cloak.

Around her, the pub was sparse with patrons - that, and choosing a corner in the back, meant she was left to her own thoughts. When the door opened and six little hooves trotted straight for her, she set down her cup to glare at them.

Three little piggies, one after the other.

The first tapped the table. “Mind if we join you?”

She focused her glare on him. “Lots of free tables.”

They scrambled up onto the bench opposite her anyways.

“Heard you was the best,” said the first, wrinkled his snout meaningfully.

She sighed. “Go buy some ale, or the barkeep’ll get on my case for attracting freeloaders.”

They snorted, “Oh, yes!” and then there was a flurry of jostling until one was shoved from the bench and onto his rump with a solid thump. He got up and went to the counter, though Red could hardly imagine how he planned to carry back three tankards without any thumbs.

“Nice place, this. Cozy,” said the second little pig. There was a black spot over half his face.

“No small talk,” she said, and both pigs glanced at each other meaningfully before leaning forward.

“We have a business proposition,” one began, voice low. “Got a good family business, you see. Construction. Lots of folks wanting a nice little place of their own these days.”

The second little piggie nodded. “But we got a spook. Party pooper, you know? Convinced we’ve gone bad apple. We move towns, get a new name, but he’s always sniffing after us. Sooner or later he’s prowling around, asking questions about building codes, demanding documentation, talking about  _ collusion _ and  _ permits _ and  _ material costs _ …”

“He’s the Big Bad Wolf, see. Always sticking his long, wet nose where it don’t belong.”

“Claims he can smell lead in the paint. Fancies himself a bloodhound.”

“I’m not a dogwalker,” Red told them cooly.

The third little piggie was making his way back, a pitcher clutched against his rotund belly, and three bowls stacked like a hat on top of his head.

“We heard you’ve done it before,” whispered the first little piggie. “Gone… wolf hunting.”

Red snorted. “I’m a country girl. We hunt all sorts of things.”

The pitcher was shoved up onto table carefully, the bowls tipped off his head, and loudly shoved across the tabletop. Then the third piggie scrambled back up onto the bench, obviously anxious to catch up with the conversation.

“This Wolf,” said the first little piggie, “Is the biggest.”

“The baddest,” added the third little piggie.

“I’m sure you’ve heard tales of him huffing and puffing about.”

Three pig snouts bobbed up and down, nodding eagerly. “We can pay, of course. Very generous.”

Red leaned back. “Lots of other jobs this time of year.”

The pig with the black spot grinned, a crescent of blunt yellow teeth. “But this job is more than money. You like a challenge.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Someone’s been chatty.”

_ Too chatty _ . “Who told you where to find me?”

The first two piggies squealed a grunt of a laugh that set her teeth on edge. “Don’t be upset! They had only the nicest things to say,” the third little piggie assured her.

_ A lumberjack who can’t cut down a beast, _ she thought in disgust.  _ Nor, apparently, keep his mouth shut. _

Still. A challenge.

Three pairs of beady black eyes gleamed up at her.

“Wolves are hard to corner,” she ventured, reluctant to reveal that they had hooked her.

“We set up a job, he’s guaranteed to show up,” the first little piggie assured her. “Only this time instead of bringing it down around our ears, he’ll find… you. Waiting.”

She reached for her mug, quickly cooling to lukewarm, mind already taking inventory. She had some blades to whet.

“Give me a number,” she said, and was pleasantly surprised at the sum offered. Besides, winter was coming, and she could do with a nice fur hat to match her cloak. 

“Very well,” she agreed, and shook three tiny little hooves.

As she drained the last bitter dregs of cider, she cast a sidelong glance at the fat little piggies, chortling excitedly amongst each other, messily pouring their beer into bowls.

After the wolf hunt, perhaps some bacon to fill the larder. She could bring some round to share with that blabbermouth lumberjack.

Remind him that he should stick to whistling.


End file.
